On the DL

As if it isn’t hard enough to find a man already... Controversy began to stir in the African-American community when J.L. King’s book, On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men, was published in 2004. And uproar was once again raised last year when it was announced that Terry McMillan was divorcing her husband because he was gay. Using these two media grabbing events as a platform, BET aired its most controversial documentary to date, The Down Low Exposed, last week. So I thought it was only fitting for me to throw in my 2 cents…

Men being on the down low. Now, this concept wasn’t something new to me when this book came out. I had read a few of E. Lynn Harris’ books. But that was fiction, and King’s book pulled it into reality. On the Down Low was very enlightening and I recommended that all my sistas read it. We really don’t know what people are doing when we’re not with them. This man was married with kids while doing his down low dizzle. An interesting point in the book was that a lot of these DL men have truly convinced themselves that they aren’t homosexual. That’s why some of them get married. So now they are lying to themselves and someone who is in love with them. My advice in this situation is be true to yourself and you will save a lot of people heartache.

As far as Terry McMillan…… Sista girl! What can I say? We were all happy to read that you got your groove back in ’97 and I’m sure it provided hope to women out there. They didn’t feel like it was wrong to be with a younger man. They thought that a vacation fling could really last. They realized that opposites do really attract. But then all hope was lost when news of the divorce came and people started speculating that this island boy was just trying to get a free ride and a green card. (I personally was convinced of this when this fool tried to get some of her money in the divorce settlement. What has he done to deserve that? Not a damn thing.) But my question is: How did you not know that he was gay/bisexual/a gold digger? I know that there are men on the DL, but I honestly can’t figure out how she never suspected anything! (If you saw that interview they did on Oprah last year, you would think the same thing.)

But Terry did make a really good point and has a right to be angry at her ex. Not only did he lie to her and betray her trust, but he put her life in danger. God only knows what he could have brought home to her. And who knows? One of his “special friends” could have gone crazy with jealousy and attacked her! (Please note that could happen if your husband is cheating with a man or woman.) Come on. No one wants their life story to be the Lifetime movie of the week.

So, it’s already slim pickings out there on the dating scene. Now I have to worry about my boyfriend/ fiancé/ husband being on the DL? So married women need to use protection all the time with their spouse? Ummm, what if you want to have children? Nope. Guess you’ll just have to strap it up all the time and get artificially inseminated! Hello quintuplets!